Life lessons Psychology Today
A healthier approach when you don't see eye to eye in a relationship you want to keep: "Look inward to fix the problem rather than trying to change the other person, " says Northwestern University psychologist Eli Finkel—even if that just means practicing acceptance. If you know your partner hates large gatherings, consider attending the next party solo so he doesn't have to make forced conversation and you don't have to leave early (and annoyed). Or if your son says he wants to forgo college for now, try to express enthusiasm for his budding career as a nature guide instead of bombarding him with links to school rankings.
Making accommodations like these involves the crucial recognition that there are some matters on which you're never going to be in sync—and that you're willing to accept this in order to preserve the other's autonomy. "You have to say, 'We have this permanent difference, but we need to learn to live with each other, ' " Coleman advises. Regardless of whether the other person changes, such acceptance communicates the basic respect that keeps relationships solid over time.
It's more harmful to overparent than to underparent.
They provoke eye rolls from teachers and developmental experts alike: helicopter parents who hover relentlessly over their kids to keep them safe and fulfilled—see them sprinting over to the swings to right a playground injustice or emailing schools incessantly to check on their kid's progress. Then there are the gung-ho attachment parenting types who believe they must constantly wear their babies or share a family bed in order to build secure bonds.
